MYO douchebag

By Mae Wright

Mike Lundy's article Douches and other bags touched on the language practice of using 'bag' added to words to make them an insult about people - a 'human bag' full of whatever unpleasant stuff - douche, wind, scum, rats etc. (I also wonder if it has some link to using old bag or baggage as insult for an older women.)

If adding 'bag' makes an unpleasant substance into an insult, it follows that a bigger bag is a bigger insult. 

Which brings me to the douche satchel!   

Douche satchel from Urban dictionary:

a 'satchel' is a really big bag... of 'douche'. So someone who is a really big douche bag, would be a 'douche satchel' an expletive, used in instances of anger/frustration

That makes sense: some douchebags are very annoying and some are very, very annoying. The more overtly entitled and in-your-face, the more irritating and aggravating, so the larger the bag. I wonder, is this the beginning of douche insults escalating in baggage sizes? The douche backpack, the douche suitcase, the douche ski-bag? (Come to think of it, I'm sure I've dated a few douche ski-bags.)

Well, it so happened that I have been looking for a pattern to make a satchel, and had to eventually make my own to get exactly what I want. 

It was pretty easy to alter it to make it into a douche satchel.

So, here is my Douche Satchel pattern with instructions below. It's made up of Mike's eight components of a douchebag. If you're feeling extra creative, you might like to try making something like my pretentious douchey fabric printed on a medium grade calico (see at the below). 

For those who don't sew, you can still enjoy my instructions for the assembly of that most unpleasant man, the douche satchel!

Douches and other bags

By Mike Lundy

A scumbag, a windbag and a douchebag walk into a bar.

Just a regular Thursday at my local. We regulars glance at the door as each arrives, dismay or resignation crossing many faces. If I see any of them arrive, I will try to escape. Sometimes, for a while, I can deflect them by looking really busy with my phone, but that is only ever temporary protection.

The scumbag (who sometimes brings his mate, the ratbag) - not so hard to protect against. Just never trust what he says, avoid shouting him drinks (unless you want to donate to his personal finances), and avoid making direct insults even in jest. He can be funny in a cynical, defeated, nasty sort of way. But he can suddenly turn, so it's best never to let your guard down. Finish the drink and then say, 'Okay, have a good night. Gotta see a friend about my car.'

The windbag - easier still; just try to steer the conversation to something you don't mind hearing about. At length. Escape is usually possible after a 'decency' period of about 10 minutes of listening to what is often little more than a whinge, without getting a word in. As you slide off the stool, slide in a quick, 'Oh well, shit happens. Gotta run, have to see a mate about my car.' 'You do seem to have a lot of trouble with that car.' 'Yeah, it keeps happening.'

Artwork by TheBeardedCavalier

But the douchebag. Ugg. Just grating. 

He boxes you in your seat standing too close with his arms akimbo. Even his popped collar is irritating. And he's not so easy to get rid of with reports of car trouble. The douchebag knows exactly what is wrong with my car, and insists on telling me how to repair it with step by step instructions, and also declares that I must be causing this problem by riding the clutch, but then adds that it is a known weakness in that model as the original design for those Japanese cars was never been fully tested in Australian conditions. Et. Bloody. Cet. Era.

He is so busy demonstrating his seemingly endless knowledge, he manages to totally ignore my body language screaming that I want to be just about anywhere else.

Eventually, one of the bar staff comes over to collect the empties and the douchebag is forced to move back by her intruding arm, so I slip through the space and start walking, speaking with my head turned back to my old, no longer comfortable seat, 'That might be handy that information. See ya next time.'

Next Thursday, I'll try the other pub.

What is it about the him? What makes the douchebag so utterly annoying? And why doesn't the douchebag know he is one?

TATKOP 113

There Are Two Kinds Of People: those who dispute there are really two kinds of people and those who enjoy playing with dichotomies.

See all the posts in the TATKOP series by Fred Shivvin here.

Message to subscribers

No idea why the Blogger platform just sent several of the June and July posts to some subscribers again! I was messing around with publication dates, but that still doesn't explain it, as I didn't touch those posts.

Oh well, sometimes things are worth a reread. Hopefully it won't happen too often!

Yours in overly long blog articles,

Fred

Yin-yang a unified yes

By Fred Shivvin

This is the third part of my article on yin-yang, an elegant, complex and often completely misinterpreted symbol. Yin-yang shouts to the cosmos that we humans tend to see dichotomies where they do not exist. But many don’t hear this message.

In Part 1: Yin-yang not, I covered the tendency to interpret the yin-yang symbol as about 'natural' opposites, and in Part 2: Yin-yang seriously not, I explored misinterpretations of yin-yang specifically related to the gender stereotypes of feminine or masculine.

I draw on the ideas in Parts 1 and 2 to develop the argument in this final part of the article, so you might find a quick review is helpful.

So now finally, I’m putting it out there: it’s time to ditch thinking about people with a dichotomy of feminine/masculine traits.